The wife and I went to the local firework this evening, so we were home in time to see most of the nationally televised firework shows - and I have to say that every single fucking one of them missed the point. Each show kept panning across from the crowd to the sky, showing a smiling, gazing, blonde woman, or a spinning child completely oblivious to the large explosions directly above their head.
Personally, I could give two ant shits (assuming ant’s shit) about the scenery, the blonde, or the damn kid. All I want to see is crap exploding in the sky with cheesy, overly-dramatic, patriotic songs poorly strung together in the background.
So tomorrow I would like all of the congressman who read my blog (I know you’re out there Orrin Hatch) to introduce a bill to specify that only CSPAN can cover firework shows. One camera, pointed, aimed, unhosted and unmoved. Any other channels are welcome to get a feed from them – but are prohibited from running a ticker along the bottom, adding their huge logo blocking a chunk of the screen or showing any of those damn promos where people popup in the corner of the screen advertising for whatever comes on next.
Any violation will not result in a fine. Instead, for each infringement a program executive from the violating station will be tied to a rocket set shot into the heavens during the next firework show. And hopefully, you’ll be able to see them in full explosive color live on CSPAN.
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