My blog contains a large number of posts. A few are included in various other publications, or as attached stories and chronicles in my emails; many more are found on loose leaves, while some are written carelessly in margins and blank spaces of my notebooks. Of the last sort most are nonsense, now often unintelligible even when legible, or half-remembered fragments. Enjoy responsibly.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Costume Doom

Clerk: Welcome to the Halloween Costume Shack can I point you in a certain direction?

Woman: Well, yeah, I’m looking for a Hippopotamus costume.

Clerk: No problem! We have over three different styles of sexy Hippos. We even have a sexy Pygmy Hippopotamus for younger girls.

Woman: I’m a biologist who studies the Malagasy Hippopotamus and would just like a costume that looks like a Hippo for our staff Halloween Party. I’m happy to make alterations to match what I need.

Clerk: I understand and you’ll be happy to hear that all of our Hippo costumes come with an option of either a mini-skirt or a micro-mini. And all of them have a matching mask and bikini top.

Woman: What?

Clerk: Now this model comes with pasties, but doesn't include the 4" heels. Whereas this model...

Woman: Please, I just want a Hippo costume. Is there something that you can order that just looks like a Hippopotamus and isn’t.. …

Clerk: I’m not sure that I understand. You want a costume right?

Woman: Yes, of a Hippopotamus.

Clerk: So a sexy hippopotamus?

Woman: NO! Just a hippopotamus.

Clerk: But it’s for a woman!

Woman: Look here, I’ve studied devoted my life to studying Hippopotamus, they are majestic, beautiful and intelligent creatures, but they are in no way "sexy." So I don’t understand why I can’t just buy a costume of a Hippo that isn’t "sexy."

Clerk: I’m sorry, but everyone one of our female costumes is provocative. Along with the Sexy hippo, we have a slutty Rhinoceros, a seductive Whopping Crane and a Walrus whore.


Clerk: If you would like I can get my manager, he’s just finishing up selling that woman over there a slutty vending machine costume.

Woman: Goodbye.


Kate said...

Beautiful. I just want a hippo costume too.

Kassi said...

Ha! Isn't that the truth? This just happened to me yesterday, except I was looking for a Sea Cow.