Friendly Country Liniments

Hey ya'll, I just wanted to give a quick shout out ya'll. Ya'll might notice a lot of people on TV ya'll overdoin' their Southern accent ya'll as a marketin' gimick ya'll. Now I'm just not pickin' on Paula Deen or anyone else ya'll, I happen to like the Southern accent, I'm talkin' about anyone who is tryin' to sound a bit more invitin' and friendly ya'll for no real reason ya'll. Cause it seems, ya'll, that Southern peoples are known as being hospitable ya'll; so adoptin' an over exaggerated Southern twang or unnecessarily dumbin it down while droppin’ your end g’s ya'll is the best new way to loosen people up to whatever it is that yer sellin'. So just remember ya'll that when you hear someone sayin’ ya'll, ya'll, just a little too much or Southernin’ up a bit more than should be realistically possible ya'll, ya’ll about to be sold somethin’ ya'll.

The South (Part I)

Welcome Back to the South

I lived in the South many years ago, have just moved back and am reliving some discoveries I found when I lived here years ago. First and foremost is that most everything is easy to understand and intentionally uncomplicated to the point of obscurity. The people here are simpler. And by that I don’t mean dumber, just simpler. If a girl wants to look pretty she puts on heavy makeup and makes her hair as big as it can be. If a guy wants to talk to someone about his new truck, he will find somewhere very public, like a grocery store, and stand next to it until someone stops to ask him about it - which someone invariably does. Plus, they have an annoying habit of constantly stating what it is that you’re doing as a question. It’s an uncomplicated place. Think the 1950s with less racism and better technology.

What I don’t remember from my years living here previously is the overwhelming peacocking that is so prevalent. To me, when you go out of your way to show the world something that you have just acquired, you are telling people that it is something nicer than you are used to having. Whether it’s a new cellphone, a shiny car, or money, nothing says that it’s something you’re not used to having like showing it off. When it comes to finances, this is known as being nouveau riche (literally, “newly rich”).

Now I know that these people shouldn’t have any bearing on my life. Lowered Hummers with chrome rims or t-shirts that cost more than laptops really amuse me. And I love when people have tricked themselves out with the latest horrible fashions or have gone completely over the top to look either trashy or expensive (usually the same). I am forever pointing out the ridiculously obscene to friends and family. But it is the sheer abundance of these people in the South that is amazing.

My hope over the next couple months of living here is to teach random Southerners the fine art of subtly. I do not know when it will happen, but I will make sure that I explain exactly why they look ridiculous and how to be a bit deeper than they really are. Barring that, I will mock them relentlessly while feeling jealous of their ability to be so easily pleased.