My blog contains a large number of posts. A few are included in various other publications, or as attached stories and chronicles in my emails; many more are found on loose leaves, while some are written carelessly in margins and blank spaces of my notebooks. Of the last sort most are nonsense, now often unintelligible even when legible, or half-remembered fragments. Enjoy responsibly.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Pretty Worthless Girl

You are in line in front of me again. I see you everywhere talking on the phone, with a gaggle of other girls, adjusting your bra and skirt. You’re usually smiling at nothing and happy to be you. I can’t blame you, you are very attractive. You have curves that make me play out hopeful scenarios in my head and a face that tells me that, if I just said the right thing, maybe.

Then you speak and it’s like Jessica Simpson being called upon in a college physics class. Legally Blonde in reality - except sometimes you’re brunette or black. That’s when I realize, again, it’s all that you have. Sure some extracurricular activities exist, but they are all forgettable and add nothing. Sugar-free eye candy, a sports car lacking a soul, just a picture of the most beautiful woman in the world.

I’ve had you more times than I care to admit. You are horrible in bed. Unskilled and boring. An effigy to beauty.

I cannot remember why it was that I thought that you would be different this time. That all of your talents would be equal to your shell. Again I realize that I’ve been deceived by advertising and bought the new model because it looked just different enough to renew my hope. Again you were a mythical white deer caught in the headlights. Again you made me long for you and again my victory was empty. No different than the worst of anyone else.

Maybe it’s the height from which I pushed you. Perhaps there is no way for you to have proven your worth. It could be that I tire of you in each of your forms, but I don’t ever remember when the effort was equal to the reward. Again I see you in line in front of me and I’m hoping you are the same.

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