Alright, so I was reading through this months Popular Mechanics (come on people, you know I’m a nerd) and I came across and ad for the Tempur-Pedic® bed spouting the now commonly used phrase “You Deserve It”. Now I’ve seen this stupid phrase on everything from daytime TV ambulance chaser attorneys, to a time-share across from the “scenic New Jersey Turnpike”, all the way to an odor eating shoe insole. So you know what? Fuck you. Seriously. What the fuck makes you think you deserve my naked tired ass, fresh from an accident on the I95, which I had to walk home from?
Besides, what the fuck is “you deserve it” suppose to mean? Are you trying to imply that I should feel guilty about buying your odor eaters? Does my life suck that bad that I deserve an attorney with a bad hairpiece and a law degree from the Community College of Nicaragua? Am I normally incapable of living my fucking life, but somehow will find the strength to relocate next to an 8 lane highway because of your selfless, delightfully enchanted, encouragement? Maybe it’s that I’m just too stupid to lie down, so I must deserve your “Space Certified” sleeping apparatus to sooth my primate brain.
So you know what there you pity inducing, forcibly self-loathing, disappointment encouraging, marketing douche bags? You can go ahead and kiss my ass, because you deserve it.
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