My blog contains a large number of posts. A few are included in various other publications, or as attached stories and chronicles in my emails; many more are found on loose leaves, while some are written carelessly in margins and blank spaces of my notebooks. Of the last sort most are nonsense, now often unintelligible even when legible, or half-remembered fragments. Enjoy responsibly.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

A Moment of Silence

Woman can do anything. They are wonderful, intelligent, thoughtful, caring and effervescent creatures of beauty worthy of more praise then I could ever conger my hands to write. Marie Curie discovered radium and polonium, Cleopatra successfully ruled the Macedonian Dynasty for decades, Betty Crocker created cake that came in a box and Ms. Zippy the Wonder Squirrel who learned how to waterski to entertain people shopping at boat shows.

This is why, as I stood pinned in middle of an endless Christmas line at Target, I wondered exactly how it was that an entire brilliant gender could have accomplished so very little in the grand scheme of human achievement. Surely there was the oppression and the time wasting of raising children - but there had to be some time left to contribute more to humankind. As I stood there pondering this conundrum, the person with the cart in front of me curiously changed to another lane. At once I saw why. In front of me was two incoherently babbling women, talking to each other and yet having two separate conversations all together.

Woman 1: Well. Jimmy can’t wear red because it makes him look Norwegian. And it’s not that there is anything wrong with being Norwegian – it’s just that’s he’s not Norwegian. No. He should be wearing more…

And at the same time

Woman 2: …and that’s why I’ve never been able to eat squash. So instead I’ve learning to like pancakes so that Steve will be able to buy that boat he’s always….

Still at the same time

Woman 1: I don’t care how much mascara that she puts on, my mother will always look like a schnauzer…

Both continuing to plow ahead together

Woman 2: …but if Dr. Phil and Oprah DID have a kid, I bet it would be finicky. All I’m saying is that Dr. Phil has a tendency to be…

And then it occurred to me, beyond the extraordinary natural and social causes, the reason that they’ve done so very little to direct human advancement through individual achievements is because most are caught up in a world of neverending discussion. So from a man who is on your side and believes in your abilities to alter humanity in a positive way that as men cannot, please, shut the fuck up.

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