For some odd reason tonight the TV was on and I for one would like to blame the fact that I was overly generous with a flu I brought it home for dinner a few days ago. So there we were, quietly and sickly sucking down spaghetti and watching Alias when I realized that this might actually be the worst show ever. It’s like they took the cliché ridden bad scripts from all of movies and TV shows that are exactly like this, hung them up on a wall and threw darts at them until they had enough to fill their time slot. This show was so painfully bad that I don’t understand how and why anyone watches this crap. Needless to say, I was merciless to turn the damn thing off because the flu had compassionately decided to let me hurt from my bones out instead of the usual boring nasal cavity on down adventure. It was at this point, unable move, that I began to wonder if the acting and dialog had somehow created a vacuum and sucked all life directly out of the room leaving me unknowingly dead. Unfortunately, this was not true - it was still on and refused to end.
Eventually Kela was able to fight the dark forces of the sickness and find the remote. Now we don’t have cable so our other options were the Apprentice and some show that seemed to consist of nothing but commercials. Frustrated she decided on anything but Alias. Again, there we sat, slightly lower in our couch as before, wishing for death. This show was amazingly just as bad – except it seemed slightly more scripted then the last. The dialog was that of a group of 12 year olds with the vocabulary of 15 year olds wearing nicer cloths. Now I’m not sure if it was just the parade of losers who compete on these type shows, the writers or directors for these shows or the fact that network TV has obvious run out of ideas, but this tired line of unoriginality couldn’t get any worse if they just combined all of these shows into one big nonsensical clusterfuck. Which gave us an idea...
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“So then I was like, that was so mine and he just took it.”
“I saw my opportunity and stepped up my game to make sure it stayed ours.”
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“We need to go get that before it does any more harm.”
“Ok, I’ll cover your back. Be careful in there.”
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“WE’RE HERE WATCHING THE ACTION AT Honda, Toyota, Ford, GM, Chrysler, Hyundai, Peugeot and Schwinn in Saginaw…”
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“It's like he wanted us to lose it.”
“I totally had it handled…”
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“HEEYYAWW”
“Grab it and let's go!"
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“UNBELIEVABLE!!!”
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“It was his fault. Everything was perfect until he took over.”
“The plan was bad. There was no way to win with that plan and that is why I lost it.”
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“Way to save the day, the world owes you again. If only they could know…”
“Yeah, I just wish I was normal.”
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“THIS WILL NOT BE REPEATED!!!”
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“So then you lost it. So you’re fired.”
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“I'm not sure I can handle this job anymore."
"You have choice, besides I think I love you."
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“WHY ARE YOU STILL SITTING THERE!??!?!
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