Jesus Claus

Both come from a mystical land that many talk about, but no one has ever seen.

Both promise gifts and treasure for good behavior.

Both keep a record of your lifetime of conduct.

Both can always see what you are doing, at any time, anywhere.

Both magically ascend into the sky when the job is done.

What is amazing is that every single child in the world is naturally compelled to ask enough provoking question to dispel the Santa myth before even reaching intellectual maturity. Whereas most adults refuse to ask any questions that undermine their belief in whether or not Jesus is real. For a long time I thought that children were just naturally smarter to ask for their gifts upfront, but in time I’ve realized that children inherently know that not receiving gifts from an imaginary person is not a fair trade for the truth.

It is with that in mind that my wife and I decided, post-theological as we are, to celebrate the myth of Santa with our son Sebastian. We see it as a trial run, practice, for the gauntlet of mythical propaganda to follow. If he can let go of a jolly man giving out candy and toys, then seeing through a world filled with talking snakes, the dead rising like zombies, and the beliefs that the creator of the universe has nothing better to do then worry whether or not people like him, then he should be able easily dispensed with that as fiction too.

In time we hope that our son realizes that the true meaning of this season predates religion, civilization, and humanity itself. It is a celebration of the dark, cold, and slumbering. It is the understanding that everything needs rest, the world will renew, and that life will continue. And in some small part, if we support each other with cooperation and love when times are dark, we will be stronger when the light comes. So maybe, just maybe, if we are good, will get to see our gift in the smile of every independent thinker who has just figured out that Santa Claus is just Jesus for adults.

Your Soul Saved at Half the Price This Exit!

This last week I traveled from the South to the Northern Midwest and back again, stopping liberally along the way. I have done several cross-country trips over the last few years and have noticed the same thing no matter where I go - people love to advertise their religion. To me, this is an extremely odd phenomenon. Personal beliefs, spirituality, and faith are private matters and really shouldn’t be discussed with everyone traveling on I-75. Yet there they are anyway, trying their hardest to show you how much they believe as you fly by at 70MPH. So if I may, I would like to address these people for a moment:

Erecting billboards proclaiming that Jesus is the King of Kings next to signs for Budweiser proclaiming they are the King of Beers probably takes away any reverence you hoped to instill in passing motorists.

Painting a hymn on the side of your fertilizer barn kinda undercuts your message.

There's nothing like a fifty-foot cross made of aluminum siding to say, "I'm a recovering alcoholic with unresolved issues".

It you feel the need to build a 60ft fiberglass Jesus bursting out of a lake, maybe your belief in him really isn’t as solid as you pretend.



I know you love your God, but trying to tell the world using the same methods as insurance companies and restaurants brings your personal beliefs and spirituality down to a base level. Or to quote the Bible, “And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.” (Matthew 6:5-6). Anything else cheapens your beliefs and lowers them to petty advertising and shows you as desperate for social approval.

Should Gay People Have the Same Rights?

I mistakenly flipped on the TV today to check the weather because it looked like it could storm and stopped by one of the 24-hour news networks on my way to the Weather Channel. The blonde behind the desk, smiling prettily and looking overly intelligent in her pastels and hoop earrings, said the phrase, “Should gay people have the same rights as the rest of us?”. Now I immediately want to forgive her because she is a) reading off of a teleprompter and b) a moron not paid to think for herself.

So here, let me answer that question:

If you believe that women, people who are a color other than white, and non-Christians should have equal rights, then you have to give the equal rights to gay people as well. Those strange religious nutjobs (and it’s always the religious nutjobs) who think that gay is either a lifestyle or against the Word of God should look back into their own history at how their religion was once used to explain why blacks should be slaves, non-Christians should be treated differently, and why women should be subservient. Strangely enough, they don’t see the connection. They cannot look at this class of people, who they want to separated from everyone else, and see the same parallels drawn between this new hatred and the old prejudice done in the name of their God. So for any religious people, who happen to read my blog, let me explain something to you: Your bible can be used to say anything and people who use it to tell others that who is less of a human are bigots preaching hate.

Want proof? Let’s go through a quick exercise:

Do you believe that black people should be white people’s slaves?

Well, Jesus said it was ok. In Luke 12:43-48 Jesus explains the proper way to treat your slaves. Jesus condone slavery enough to make some ground rules for their enslavement. Don’t believe me? Search the KKK’s website and you’ll find that, along with a whole host of other quotes from the Bible on how slavery is alright.

Now if you truly believe that the Bible is the Word of God, then slavery is a good thing. If you don’t believe that slavery is a good thing, then you do not believe that the Bible is the word of God. The only way to get out of this quandary is to say that the Bible is not to be taken literally, but then the same would apply for the rules governing homosexuals too.

Back to our point, should gay people have the same rights as the rest of us? Only if you believe that we are all equal. If you don’t, you probably see slavery, oppression of women, and exclusion of those of different religions as you, as all ordained by God. If you don’t, please know that that is exactly how the rest of us view you. And history has proven time and time again, that you and your Christian approved bigotry and hatred will not be tolerated.