Entry for November 21, 2012

Some mornings I wake to the crushing realization of how much is dependent on my immediate actions, drive and example. I'm shaken out of slumber and into a world where the feeling of overwhelming guilt of incomplete tasks and waiting responsibilities feels unmanageable. The sheer weight of this realization crushes down upon me as I struggle to find the strength to simply face what must be done. And some mornings I make pancakes. Pancakes with chocolate chips. I like chocolate chip pancakes.

Entry for November 5, 2012

The internet is giving me tunnel vision. I no longer see anything in the margins, only the text in the middle. Pictures disappear, flashing rectangular games, half-naked women, political ads and commercials for the greatest website ever are completely invisible. I wasn't sure if it was spilling over into my real life, but then I realized that I don't see billboards, ads on cars or banners anymore. I have a feeling I could walk by the secret to life, written on a 100ft sign, illuminated, flashing and moving directly into my path, and my eyes would just move around it, forever losing my chance and knowing the cosmic answer to who, what, and why. But maybe that is for the best. Maybe losing the constant stream of noise is as close to enlightenment that I'm meant to be. Perhaps my zen, my nirvana, my personal heaven is simply having a couple extra minutes of peace.