I No Longer Support Breast Cancer Awareness

This being Breast Cancer Awareness month, I feel that it is a good time to announce that I am no longer in support of breast cancer awareness. That’s right, I, Brian Hamilton, am publicly refusing to continue to support breast cancer awareness. I’m taking the pink ribbons off of my car, will be throwing out all of my food, clothes and random products adorned with some sort of pink awareness support logo and refuse to purchase anything else emblazoned with anything labeled “Breast Cancer Awareness.”

I can feel comfortable with my choice because, between the concerts, walks, celebrity commercials, endless product placement, nonstop rallies and general pinkified everything, I think that we’re all pretty damn aware of breast cancer. It’s gotten to the point where I’m checking myself, hourly, and have started to lecture larger breasted women on the benefits of regular mammograms – without once offering my own services. Moreover, I have no idea what, if any, of my money spent on something bejeweled with a pink ribbon or covered in pink is actually going towards breast cancer or if it’s just some company using that as a marketing gimmick.

So there, no more pink ribboned anything. I even plan on staying away from anything pink. Upset stomach? Mylanta only. I’m pulling the Owen’s Corning insulation out of my house. And I may even protest outside of Victoria Secret. We get it; breast cancer is a horrible, horrible disease that has killed millions of people, several friends and my aunt, but enough with the Awareness. We’re aware, I promise, now can we please focus on actually reducing deaths and not just painting the world pink?